Regaining Control From Controllers

Abusers and social emotional controllers HATE IT when you regain control of your life and leave them on the outside EVEN while remaining in the relationship.

Speaking to my own experience, I have several experience with controllers. I was a person (past tense) who needed to feel needed and sought the help, love and approval of various loved ones. They loved putting me down and making me feel as if I was ‘blessed’ to be in their presence.

When I began to pull away they tried to make me feel as if I was a bad loved one. If I tried to spend time with them, they were either too busy or destroying the whole event.

Many expected me to invest my time and energy into them, but couldn’t be bothered to invest in me. When I got damaged in the relationship (which includes family, friends, professional), I wasn’t worth the same worth to come after or rescue.

Then it happened.

I kept my head and continued to move full speed ahead.

I stopped trying.

I stopped going to events where I was the dinner.

I stopped trying to help people who didn’t want help.

I stopped trying to get love from people who didn’t know how to love, even if I was related to them.

I found friends that valued and supported me.

I STARTED investing in me; and it felt good.

I stopped trying to explain myself to people who wasn’t even considering my side of the story.

I stopped trying to explain myself to people who already had their mind made up about my guilt ‘before’ I even opened my mouth.

I found a support system that actually supported me.

I stopped trying to prove myself to people who only wanted to use me for their benefit.

Now, it’s kinda humorous, but the same people who laughed at my presence now beg for it.

The same people who didn’t want to spend time or invest in our relationship now complain at their lack of inclusion in my life.
This all took time, but through God, only through God, I made it through.

There were some serious hard times behind and times when I couldn’t see the light of day.
However, I got through it as you will, too.

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8 Comments

  1. This is a good post that can help anyone having a hard time or hard day. Remember you are the most important person in you life. You are the important one that will find fine things and find things that are very good for you

  2. Great article on taking back control of your life, domestic violence can affect you and your love ones for generations if you let it. It is funny at time when the same people who use to kick you when you were down, are now wanting to be a part of your life. Once people see you are doing better for yourself and the negativity they tried to use to keep you down only made you stronger. Overall its just as you said, keep moving forward, and keep God in your prayers.

    • Thanks. It was a process, yes, but well worth it. You are right, though. It is funny how people who once kicked at me when I was down now want to be a part of my life. It’s all about control, though. One thing that controllers don’t want to do is lose their control. That’s what makes them feel vulnerable.

  3. Such a good post. I am investing in me this year. For too long I have allowed myself to be downtrodden and I don’t want to go into 2019 feeling as bad about myself as I have for so long. I am working to relegate the past to the past and to learn to accept my mistakes and failings and move on. It’s not an easy process!

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