Note To Support Systems Regarding Domestice Violence

On a very serious note concerning domestic violence:

I’m in a group that talks about domestic violence – the domestic violence that you can’t see – emotional, mental, verbal, financial, etc. – and how to survive it.

Someone in the group asked the following question:

Why is it That so many People are afraid to tell the truth about narcs (narcissism, narcissistic people) and witness Their behavior. I Mean in some situations outside this forum it is almost like People are defending the narcs. Maybe because they have been lied to? I cant be the only one Who thinks that this is very frustrating.

This was my response:

Narcs are great, GREAT actors and actresses. They are also master manipulators. They are excellent victim players. Many times the victim doesn't know completely what is going on – hindsight teaches a lot.

Again, narcs know how to play the victim very well; therefore, many so-called support systems wind up defending the narc. They condemn the victim for being ‘overly sensitive', ‘complainy', and not doing enough to make the relationship work.
Additionally, some support systems will even blame the victim for trying to get help because they view that you're just trying to make the person (narc) look bad.

The ‘so-called' support system beats down the victim for trying to get help. THEN the narc beats down (not always physically) the victim in private for having the nerve and audacity to speak up. The victim is doing what is necessary to survive.

Also, narcs have a way of making you believe that it's YOUR fault, you're the bad guy and that they really are the victim. As another poster says, sufferers aren't aware of narcissism or all what it entails.

If I understand your question correctly, that is what I've seen and experienced.

NOTE TO SUPPORT SYSTEMS: If you are someone that’s supposed to be a ‘support system’ (mentor, teacher, preacher, employer, parent, friend, etc), if you have failed to help, don’t be defensive – CONSIDER.

Domestic violence can end when there’s intervention. Telling someone to ‘get over it’, ‘that they should be stronger’, or ‘don’t take it personally ‘cause ‘it’s the devil’ are not tools to help someone reach freedom.

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  1. An honest appraisal of the narcisstic personality of an abuser versus the victim and the power play happening between them. I have been married to the same wonderful man for over 48 years and domestic violence has not been part of our relationship. I thank God for that. But I have had to confront abusive behaviour from another family member so I can relate to the problem. None of us want to admit to a failure in our relationships with anyone and so we try to keep it hidden rather than confront it head on. It is very difficult but probably very normal as we all have a certain pride.

  2. Hi, I have read many other articles from this website. Honestly speaking you are doing a superb work. I will definitely share this with everyone I know. Domestic violence and any type of violence is the thing which should be speak about, so thank you so so much for taking that initiative.

  3. A great overview of narcissists and their behaviours. So often people outside the relationship see them as a great person and how wonderful and supportive they are, however behind closed doors they are entirely different. It is about time authorities started understanding the way these people work. We need to get DV out into the spotlight and stop victim blaming instead supporting them to get out of their unsafe environment!

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