On a very serious note concerning domestic violence:
I’m in a group that talks about domestic violence – the domestic violence that you can’t see – emotional, mental, verbal, financial, etc. – and how to survive it.
Someone in the group asked the following question:
Why is it That so many People are afraid to tell the truth about narcs (narcissism, narcissistic people) and witness Their behavior. I Mean in some situations outside this forum it is almost like People are defending the narcs. Maybe because they have been lied to? I cant be the only one Who thinks that this is very frustrating.
This was my response:
Narcs are great, GREAT actors and actresses. They are also master manipulators. They are excellent victim players. Many times the victim doesn’t know completely what is going on – hindsight teaches a lot.
Again, narcs know how to play the victim very well; therefore, many so-called support systems wind up defending the narc. They condemn the victim for being ‘overly sensitive’, ‘complainy’, and not doing enough to make the relationship work.
Additionally, some support systems will even blame the victim for trying to get help because they view that you’re just trying to make the person (narc) look bad.
The ‘so-called’ support system beats down the victim for trying to get help. THEN the narc beats down (not always physically) the victim in private for having the nerve and audacity to speak up. The victim is doing what is necessary to survive.
Also, narcs have a way of making you believe that it’s YOUR fault, you’re the bad guy and that they really are the victim. As another poster says, sufferers aren’t aware of narcissism or all what it entails.
If I understand your question correctly, that is what I’ve seen and experienced.
NOTE TO SUPPORT SYSTEMS: If you are someone that’s supposed to be a ‘support system’ (mentor, teacher, preacher, employer, parent, friend, etc), if you have failed to help, don’t be defensive – CONSIDER.
Domestic violence can end when there’s intervention. Telling someone to ‘get over it’, ‘that they should be stronger’, or ‘don’t take it personally ‘cause ‘it’s the devil’ are not tools to help someone reach freedom.