This is the type of stuff that many never wanted to talk about because we were so afraid it would hurt ‘his’ feelings.
We admonished the women who cried out for help due to the bad behavior they were suffering in the home.
When they told what was happening, we accused ‘them’ of trying to make ‘him’ look bad.
We told her that maybe it was ‘her’ doing something wrong to bring the bad behavior on herself.
We depended on ‘her’ to make ‘him’ better.
We made him the victim.
We believed there were reasons for his bad behavior. It was understandable.
Maybe if she would stop being ‘the problem’, things would get better.
Maybe if she would ‘fix herself up a little.
She got married and completely let herself go.
She said it’s because she was unhappy; but we knew the truth. She’s just being lazy.
She said her weight gain was because she was falling into depression. Of course, that’s just her excuse.
We ignored her cries for help.
We ignored her pain.
We ignored her tears.
We ignored the burden she carried.
We ignored the weight on her shoulders that was crushing her down.
It didn’t matter. She was just being emotional. Right?
He’s the one that matters.
He needs help.
If she would just be about her business as a wife and do her job, she’d be happy.
We wished she would just stop complaining.
However, we never considered (or cared) what piece of her would be left once he decided to get his act together.
However, we never considered (or cared) what his bad behavior and our ‘looking the other way’ did or was doing to her until it was too late.
Now, with our growing knowledge of narcissism, passive aggression, misogyny, misandrist, sociopath, low self-esteem traits and some psychopaths, we can’t look her in the face.
Now, we can’t admit that we were accomplices to the damage that was done to her and/or her children.
We pretend to not understand why she doesn’t need us anymore.
We don’t want to remember that we condemned her for needing our help.
She pleaded for our help.
Now, we pretend not to understand why she doesn’t want our advice.
But we know that we lost her confidence.
We lost her trust.
In an effort to save him, we lost her.
Who are we?
We are possibly the friends, family, preachers, teachers, mentors, employers, law enforcement, judicial system that made up a support team. Except, we failed to support the one who needed our help.