Looking back on the answers that I used to receive when I was trying to get help when facing heartache, I used to wonder if I just wasn’t expressing myself well enough. Was I not communicating effectively? Did people not understand the depth of the pain? Did they not understand the magnitude of the heartache?
I later realized that it wasn’t that I wasn’t expressing myself well enough to communicate whatever problems that I was facing (as I do that quite well), it was simply that people either didn’t want to believe the depth of the circumstances; they wanted me to fit in the idea they felt I should be in; or, it was easier to turn their heads and look the other way.
However the following two was the most painful: if someone else was hurting or offending me, it was easier to believe that I was the problem person as opposed to them. “Surely, that person isn’t capable of such and such, but you . . . .”
“You need to understand where they are coming from.” Yeah, but what about understanding where I’m coming from?
“You must’ve done something to provoke the situation.” Uh . . .no. I didn’t.
Finally, I learned that I was acceptable only when I was performing, but I, myself, who I was, wasn’t acceptable or as important. In other words, I was acceptable when I was loaning money, giving rides, babysitting, being there in any capacity that a person needed me, or when I needed to change for someone else; but, not when I had my own opinion, needed to be understood, needed to be heard; needed a return on an investment. It was during those times when I found that I was more than a commodity than a person. It was then that I learned that I only ‘existed’ to give and to do.
Too many times, I used to ask the question, “Do I matter?” Who else is asking that question?
Let’s start the dialog. Please tell me about the times when you felt that you didn’t matter and how you over came it.