Are You In Love Or In Love With An ‘Image’

A lovely friend and I were watching a wonderful comedy on Netflix.  During this comedy, the discussion about being ‘in love with an image or fantasy’ was addressed.  In this address, the man who was in love with an image couldn’t see the faults in the woman that he was crazy about.  He just didn’t see her shortcomings.  All he saw was a fantasy.  This caused a huge problem in their relationship that had to be dealt with.  Fortunately for them, they dealt with it before they got married.

Being In Love With An Image – Love vs. Infatuation

Being in love with an image is simply infatuation.  Plain and simple.  It's important to know the difference between love and infatuation.

To best define infatuation is from Merriam Webster Dictionary is – filled with or marked by a foolish or extravagant love or admiration. Sometimes we feel that we love someone that we simply admire. Another Google definition says the following: an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.

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When two people – or even one for that matter – are in love with an image of the person, they can’t or refuse to see their faults or issues that need to be addressed.  Typically, we cite this as being hopelessly in love; even many onlookers think that it’s so cute to behold.  Actually, you or both of you are setting yourself up for disappointment, because relationships built on images or fantasies will fail.

In the show, the man who was in love with the ‘image’ of the girl, was initially attracted to dogmatic women.  He was attracted to women that pushed him around and used him to get what they wanted in spite of his feelings or the repercussions to him or others.  When he fell in love with his ‘image woman’, she – to him – was the perfect lady.  She – to him – could do no wrong.  She was overtly different than the women he was attracted to.  She was a breath of fresh air.

Why Are Some In Love With An Image or Fantasy

Many times, when we fall in love with the ‘idea’ of being in love or with an image of the person, usually, we are coming from a background that we typically may want to be saved from.  Perhaps, mom and/or dad was abusive, neglectful, distance, emotionally unavailable, etc.  Therefore, we look for a person to save us from our reality and take us to ‘Fantasy Island’ where we hope to live happily ever after.  Nonetheless, even Fantasy Island has to be tended to.  In other words, the upkeep of the fantasy is significant – just like the upkeep of a real relationship.  It takes work.

The point I’m trying to get to is this:  If you don’t deal with the real issues in your relationship, you are destined for unhappiness because the ‘real’ issues will come to the surface sooner or later.   Looking at him or her without fault is teaching them that they can’t be their real selves with you; additionally, it’s making you unable or even afraid to deal with reality.

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What Are Some Examples Of Reality

What is reality?

  • I hate your cooking
  • You’re too bossy
  • You like everything your way
  • You’re a horrible money saver
  • You’re a Scrooge
  • You’re too cheap
  • You like to show off in front of other people

These are just to name a few but you get the gist.  Please know, this is not to damper any person.   The point is that even our best-loved ones have things that we don't like about them, but we love the person nonetheless.  My best friends, children, spouse are not perfect but I love them regardless.   My husband thinks I'm too bossy for crying out loud (am I may be . . . .a little).

By dealing with this stuff ONLY after you’ve been in a relationship for a long time (or after you’re married) is unfair to your love-interest or spouse.
YOU led them to feel that they were perfect.  Now when they do the things that they normally do and always did, you can’t seem to take it.  In fact,
you hate it.  Now you want them to change.   Let me ask you, is that fair to your spouse or even to yourself?  The above list is something that needs to be dealt with BEFORE getting married.

People can’t fit the mold that you’ve created; therefore, it’s not fair to try to squeeze them into it.  Many times when we try to squeeze people into our molds, we still expect them to accept us aswe are.  Again, is that fair?

If you can’t deal with real issues or even the reality of a relationship, it’s best for yourself as well as the other individual to put it on hold.  Deal with the real you first before you attempt to deal with another person.

In Conclusion

Finally, on the last note, it’s also not fair for you to try to be something that you’re not in order to please or impress your love interest.  You will deceive your spouse or love interest because they fell in love with a lie.  Please continue to research the difference between love and infatuation.  The real you will come out.  What will happen then. 





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  1. It’s very important not to overlook someone’s flaws, even if you like them, or you will end up being in love with an image. You have to be subjective about everyone, no exceptions. A lot of times, like you said, just being in love blinds you. You are not in love with the person, but in love with “being in love.” Sometimes you can suffer from “one-itis”, where you think that the person is the best in the world while overlooking their flaws.

  2. I believe this posts speaks to a lot of people. I know I for one have always been wary to be sure that I have true feelings for someone, and not just the idea of being in love, or like your posts says the image of love. Movies and television seriously over romanticize love and many people come out with this perception or image what love is. what show were you watching on Netflix? So I can go back and watch it my self. lol

      • I love Frasier! Totally remember that episode!

        I agree though, you need to show who you are, any changes you make to yourself should happen naturally or as a result of something that you actually want to change (like an unhealthy habit) and not as a result of someone dictating what you need to be.

        It will never work….

        • Agreed. Sometimes people pretend to be some one else because they think the other person won’t like who they are. They feel that the other person won’t accept them as they are so they make up a phone hero or damsel. Sadly, after a serious relationship or after marriage the wooed person finds they played the fool. Additionally, the phone person gets tired of the act, ultimately wishes they weren’t in a relationship with that person. They end up making the wooed person suffer.

  3. Wow, this is such a great topic I’ve actually never thought of before. In fact, I didn’t think being in love and being in love with a fantasy were 2 different things. But it seems “fantasy relationships” are very real and very much alive among millions of people around the globe. Thanks for such an eye-opening post, it was fun to read.

  4. Yeah, I hear you say loving the image of the girl which is a common phenomenon in our society. In this case, the man or the woman breaks up into a dual personality and has a different presentation to both.

    Under such a circumstance, he/she lives with the spouse but there’s always a room for infidelity and the question of flirting comes in and was wondering if this kind of case is to be clubbed under infatuation?
    There are also relationships where both the lovers are genuinely in love but couldn’t make up together in the end.
    Your article has pinned a spot for interesting discussion and I look forward to reading more.

    Wishing you a THUMPING Success.

  5. Hello Lane,
    Well…well-said indeed. You are so right – there are so many people (men and women) who ‘choose’ to focus on the ‘image’ vs the ‘real person’. It is just another way of living in denial (my thoughts). It is simply a way to ‘pull the wool over your eyes’ and what we need to realize is that in the end – someone will get hurt. Ultimately, it IS (or should be) all about TRUTH! Truth to self and the person you choose to spend intimate time with. It is a life process,it will take time and hopefully, less hearts will be broken and more relationships of beauty created.
    Thanks for sharing.

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