A lovely friend and I were watching a wonderful comedy on Netflix. During this comedy, the discussion about being ‘in love with an image or fantasy’ was addressed. In this address, the man who was in love with an image couldn’t see the faults in the woman that he was crazy about. He just didn’t see her shortcomings. All he saw was a fantasy. This caused a huge problem in their relationship that had to be dealt with. Fortunately for them, they dealt with it before they got married.
Being In Love With An Image – Love vs. Infatuation
Being in love with an image is simply infatuation. Plain and simple. It's important to know the difference between love and infatuation.
To best define infatuation is from Merriam Webster Dictionary is – filled with or marked by a foolish or extravagant love or admiration. Sometimes we feel that we love someone that we simply admire. Another Google definition says the following: an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.
When two people – or even one for that matter – are in love with an image of the person, they can’t or refuse to see their faults or issues that need to be addressed. Typically, we cite this as being hopelessly in love; even many onlookers think that it’s so cute to behold. Actually, you or both of you are setting yourself up for disappointment, because relationships built on images or fantasies will fail.
In the show, the man who was in love with the ‘image’ of the girl, was initially attracted to dogmatic women. He was attracted to women that pushed him around and used him to get what they wanted in spite of his feelings or the repercussions to him or others. When he fell in love with his ‘image woman’, she – to him – was the perfect lady. She – to him – could do no wrong. She was overtly different than the women he was attracted to. She was a breath of fresh air.
Why Are Some In Love With An Image or Fantasy
Many times, when we fall in love with the ‘idea’ of being in love or with an image of the person, usually, we are coming from a background that we typically may want to be saved from. Perhaps, mom and/or dad was abusive, neglectful, distance, emotionally unavailable, etc. Therefore, we look for a person to save us from our reality and take us to ‘Fantasy Island’ where we hope to live happily ever after. Nonetheless, even Fantasy Island has to be tended to. In other words, the upkeep of the fantasy is significant – just like the upkeep of a real relationship. It takes work.
The point I’m trying to get to is this: If you don’t deal with the real issues in your relationship, you are destined for unhappiness because the ‘real’ issues will come to the surface sooner or later. Looking at him or her without fault is teaching them that they can’t be their real selves with you; additionally, it’s making you unable or even afraid to deal with reality.
What Are Some Examples Of Reality
What is reality?
- I hate your cooking
- You’re too bossy
- You like everything your way
- You’re a horrible money saver
- You’re a Scrooge
- You’re too cheap
- You like to show off in front of other people
These are just to name a few but you get the gist. Please know, this is not to damper any person. The point is that even our best-loved ones have things that we don't like about them, but we love the person nonetheless. My best friends, children, spouse are not perfect but I love them regardless. My husband thinks I'm too bossy for crying out loud (am I may be . . . .a little).
By dealing with this stuff ONLY after you’ve been in a relationship for a long time (or after you’re married) is unfair to your love-interest or spouse.
YOU led them to feel that they were perfect. Now when they do the things that they normally do and always did, you can’t seem to take it. In fact,
you hate it. Now you want them to change. Let me ask you, is that fair to your spouse or even to yourself? The above list is something that needs to be dealt with BEFORE getting married.
People can’t fit the mold that you’ve created; therefore, it’s not fair to try to squeeze them into it. Many times when we try to squeeze people into our molds, we still expect them to accept us aswe are. Again, is that fair?
If you can’t deal with real issues or even the reality of a relationship, it’s best for yourself as well as the other individual to put it on hold. Deal with the real you first before you attempt to deal with another person.
Finally, on the last note, it’s also not fair for you to try to be something that you’re not in order to please or impress your love interest. You will deceive your spouse or love interest because they fell in love with a lie. Please continue to research the difference between love and infatuation. The real you will come out. What will happen then.